Voici comment guérir vos blessures psychologiques



Les blessures psychologiques se mettent en place durant notre enfance, entre notre conception et nos dix ans, à travers des expériences anodines ou douloureuses. Nous sommes tous blessés à des niveaux différents ; un même événement peut être vécu avec une charge émotionnelle différente selon la nature et le caractère de l’enfant. Nos parents ou d’autres figures parentales (grand-parents, oncles ou tantes, frères ou sœurs aînés, maîtres, professeurs, entraîneurs …) nous ont blessés sans le vouloir lorsqu’eux-mêmes ont été blessés enfants, ils répètent une chaîne de souffrance que nous pouvons décider de rompre.

Ces blessures conditionnent notre personnalité à travers ce que certains psychologues appellent le faux-self (construction de la personnalité basée sur des mécanismes de défense qui nous coupent de notre nature profonde). Si vous avez vécu étant enfant des événements émotionnellement marquants, sachez que ces blessures psychologiquesconditionnent votre vie dans la mesure où elles orientent vos choix, votre comportement et votre schéma affectif.

Les blessures psychologiques sont logées dans l’inconscient et nous poussent à vivre des situations qui nous mettent ensouffrance dans notre vie d’adulte afin que nous nous libérions de cette charge émotionnelle. La guérison commence par l’identification de nos blessures en fonction de leur origine chronologique, de la fausse croyance que nous avons développée en faux-self, de l’émotion associée ainsi que de l’aspect positif compensatoire.

Blessures psychologiques Origine Fausses croyances Faux-self Emotions Positif

1° Rejet

Entre la conception et la naissance Je n’ai pas droit à la vie Fuite Peur

Créativité

2° Abandon

Entre la naissance et 3 ans

J’ai besoin des autres pour exister Dépendance affective Détresse

Engagement

3° Humiliation

Vers 8 mois

Je ne suis pas digne Masochisme Honte

Empathie

4° Trahison




Vers 3 ans

Je ne peux pas faire confiance aux autres Contrôle Colère

Bienveillance

5° Injustice

Entre 4 et 6 ans

Je doit être parfait pour être aimé

Rigidité

Indifférence

Perfectionnisme

1° La blessure psychologique du rejet

Le sentiment de rejet se crée entre la conception et la naissance. Il se développe chez les enfants qui n’ont pas été désirés par leur parents (retour de couche, grossesse non voulue, avortement impossible, viol etc …). L’enfant ne se sentant pas désiré, il va développer la fausse croyance «je n’ai pas droit à la vie». Ces personnes ne se sentent pas invitées à la fête de la vie et ne s’autorisent pas à profiter pleinement de leur existence, ils se sentent étrangers dans la vie.

Leur besoin d’être différent afin d’être rejeté par la norme les conduit à des comportements excentriques soit dans leur apparence physique soit dans leurs relations sociales. Le faux-self qui se met en place dans le caractère est la fuite. On les appelle les fuyants car ce sont des personnes qui ne font pas face aux problèmes mais les contournent. Le sentiment de rejet entraîne beaucoup de peurs dont celle de l’engagement dans les relations affectives. Le sujet peut aussi fuir les responsabilités d’adulte (travail, logement, stabilité matérielle) dans des drogues plus ou moins douces, l’alcool, le sexe, ou les jeux vidéos.

L’aspect positif des victimes de la blessure psychologique de rejet se manifeste dans la richesse de leur monde intérieur, leur créativité est abondante ainsi que leur capacité à vivre la solitude de manière sereine.

2° La blessure psychologique de l’abandon

Le sentiment d’abandon se crée entre la naissance et les trois ans de l’enfant. Ils se développent chez les enfants qui ressentent ou considèrent qu’ils n’ont pas eu tout l’amour et les soins nécessaires à leur développement psycho-affectif.

Le sentiment d’abandon se crée facilement dans la mesure où chaque enfant ne ressent pas l’amour de la même manière ; même si les parents donnent la même quantité d’amour à leurs enfants, l’un d’eux peut se sentir moins aimé sans raison objective ou suite à un changement effectif (la naissance d’un autre enfant, la séparation de l’enfant et la mère dans les premières 24 heures, une hospitalisation précoce, le placement chez les grand-parents, l’abandon réel d’un des parents …). Le faux-self qui se met en place dans le caractère est la dépendance affective ;«j’ai besoin des autres pour vivre et exister». Une fois adultes, ces personnes ne vont bien que si leurs relations vont bien, elles n’aiment pas être seules et célibataires. Leur vie affective conditionne leur moral. Leur énergie vitale dépend de la qualité de leurs relations. L’abandonnique a besoin d’être constamment validé par le regard des autres.

L’aspect positif des victimes de la blessure psychologique d’abandon se manifeste dans leur manière d’être ; ce sont des personnes chaleureuses, tactiles, aimantes, sensuelles, très engagées dans les relations affectives.

3° La blessure psychologique de l’humiliation

Le sentiment d’humiliation se met en place vers huit mois, lorsque l’enfant prend conscience qu’il est autonome par rapport à sa mère et qu’il commence à marcher, à apprendre la propreté. Le sentiment d’humiliation peut être induit par une mère qui exige une propreté précoce alors que l’enfant ne voyait pas de honte à se salir.

La blessure psychologique se crée dès lors que le corps de l’enfant n’est plus respecté (maltraitance physique, morale, sexuelle) entraînant chez l’enfant la fausse croyance «je ne suis pas digne». Le faux-self qui se met en place dans le caractère est le masochisme ; dès l’école maternelle, ces enfants subissent les moqueries de leurs camarades et deviennent le souffre douleur des autres. Une fois adultes, ces personnes font passer les besoins de l’autre avant les leurs, elles ne se respectent pas et se cachent souvent derrière un surpoids, elles se sacrifient pour le bien-être des autres.


L’aspect positif des victimes de la blessure psychologique d’humiliation se manifeste dans leur capacité à être très serviables, empathiques, loyales en amitié, à réellement se soucier des problèmes des autres.

4° La blessure psychologique de trahison

Le sentiment de trahison se crée au moment de la mise en place du complexe d’Oedipe, c’est à dire vers les trois ans de l’enfant. Il se développe chez les enfants qui subissent tout acte de maltraitance physique ou morale (abus sexuel, violence, chantage, contrôle, manipulation, mensonges…).

Le sentiment de trahison peut se créer au moment de la séparation des parents lorsque le père ou la mère s’engage à prendre l’enfant un week-end sur deux et finit par ne pas tenir sa promesse sans aucune raison valable. L’enfant submergé par la déception va refouler les émotions de colère et frustration au profit de la tristesse. Le faux-self qui se met en place dans le caractère est le contrôle selon la fausse croyance «je ne peux pas faire confiance aux autres».

L’aspect positif des victimes de la blessure psychologique de trahison se manifeste dans la force du mental ; ces personnes deviennent très entreprenantes, très indépendantes et masquent derrière leur contrôle une sincère bienveillance vis à vis des autres.

5° La blessure psychologique d’injustice

Le sentiment d’injustice se met en place entre la quatrième et la sixième année de l’enfant. Il se développe chez ceux qui considèrent ou ressentent que l’on ne les a pas laissé être eux-mêmes en les privant de leur spontanéité, de leur part d’insouciance, du plaisir de jouer.

Le sentiment d’injustice se crée facilement lorsque les parents responsabilisent trop tôt l’enfant (l’aîné qui doit surveiller le petit frère) ou sont trop exigeants (tu dois être sage, ne pas faire de bruit, avoir de bonnes notes, faire beaucoup d’activités extra-scolaires, être le meilleur dans le classement etc …). Le faux-self qui se met en place dans le caractère est la rigidité selon la fausse croyance «je dois être parfait pour être accepté et aimé».

L’aspect positif des victimes de la blessure psychologique d’injustice se manifeste dans leur rigueur ; ce sont des sujets méticuleux, précis, perfectionnistes, rigoureux (ils deviennent souvent militaires, comptables, scientifiques). Leur quête étant la justice, ils ne lâchent rien, sont déterminés, procéduriers ou défenseurs de grandes causes.

Comment guérir vos blessures psychologiques ?

Suite à la lecture de ces descriptions, il est possible que vous vous identifiez à aucune de ces blessures psychologiques, à l’ensemble des blessures ou à une partie. En fait nous sommes souvent le mélange de plusieurs blessures même si notreblessure principale nous confronte régulièrement à des situations similaires (mécanisme de répétition). Par exemple, une personne ayant développé le sentiment d’abandon va obligatoirement attirer des personnes susceptibles de l’abandonner à nouveau afin de libérer la charge émotionnelle de détresse qui la manipule dans la croyance qu’elle a besoin des autres pour exister. De même, une personne dans le contrôle (fausse croyance : « je ne peux pas faire confiance aux autres) va attirer dans sa vie sentimentale ou professionnelle des partenaires susceptibles de la trahir.

Sachez que toutes les blessures psychologiques sont réversibles. Pour guérir vous devez savoir nommer la blessure qui vous fait souffrir et vous manipule au quotidien depuis votre inconscient. La première étape consiste à repérer l’événement qui dans votre histoire a crée telle ou telle blessure. Ensuite le travail se fait sur la libération de la charge émotionnelle associée à l’événement et souvent refoulée au moment des faits. Puis nous verrons comment isoler les manques de votre enfant intérieur afin de lâcher le faux-self qui s’est construit à partir de vos blessures.

Histoire et refoulement

En séance de thérapie, la plupart des gens affirment ne pas avoir de souvenirs avant l’âge de six ans, précisément la période de l’enfance où se créent les cinq blessures psychologiques détaillées au début de l’article. Ce n’est pas par hasard, en effet notre psychisme possède un système de protection dont la fonction est de nous faire oublier les événements douloureux ou la charge émotionnelle elle-même.

Prenons un exemple concret pour expliquer ce mécanisme, le refoulement : imaginez un père de famille qui décide de quitter sa femme et son enfant de trois ans du jour au lendemain. Le petit assiste à la scène au moment du départ ; il voit donc son père partir avec une valise et sa mère effondrée en pleurs. C’est tellement douloureux d’être confronté à l’abandon réel du père et à la souffrance de la mère que le psychisme met en place une stratégie de défense qui peut prendre trois formes :

  • – le refoulement massif : l’enfant va oublier la scène et l’affect (une fois adulte il n’aura aucun souvenir du départ, ni de son sentiment d’abandon).
  • – le refoulement de l’affect : l’enfant va oublier l’affect mais pas la scène (une fois adulte il se souviendra d’avoir vu son père partir mais n’aura pas conscience de son sentiment d’abandon).
  • – le refoulement partiel : l’enfant va oublier la scène du départ mais pas l’affect (une fois adulte il portera le sentiment d’abandon sans savoir d’où il vient).

A travers cet exemple, vous comprenez que plus le refoulement est réussi (massif / affect) plus la personne estdéconnectée de son histoire et de ses blessures psychologiques. Il s’agit d’individus qui ne souffrent pas, ressentent peu d’émotions, et doutent constamment de leurs sentiments ; leur apparente indifférence, leur manque d’empathie font souffrir plus leur entourage qu’eux-mêmes. Dans le cas du refoulement partiel la souffrance du sentiment d’abandon attirera à nouveau des situations d’abandon afin d’amener la personne à guérir sa blessure au niveau émotionnel.

Émotions et catharsis

Pour comprendre la guérison émotionnelle, vous devez connaître le cycle d’une émotion. L’émotion est une réactionnaturelle à un événement caractérisé ; la peur est là pour nous protéger du danger, la colère pour nous affirmer et nous défendre, la tristesse pour faire le deuil d’une personne ou d’une situation alors que la joie est notre état naturel pour vivre.

Nous allons reprendre l’exemple du départ du père pour comprendre la vie d’une émotion ; le petit garçon a certainement ressenti de la détresse au moment du départ du père mais la souffrance de sa mère ne l’a pas autorisé à l’exprimer. Afin d’éviter de vivre pleinement son émotion le psychisme du petit garçon lui a permis de refouler massivement ou partiellement sa détresse comme nous l’avons vu précédemment. Une fois refoulée, l’émotion reste active dans l’inconscient en attirant à elle, telle un aimant, toute la charge émotionnelle du même acabit (à chaque fois que le petit garçon ressentira une émotion de détresse il la refoulera automatiquement sans la ressentir).

Toute émotion refoulée est source de souffrance puisqu’elle nous manipule à notre insu, la colère par exemple va s’exprimer en nous rendant grognon, de mauvaise humeur, négatif, râleur, voire violent sans raison objective. De même, une tristesse refoulée peut nous rendre insensible à la souffrance des autres afin de nous protéger de notre propre souffrance inconsciente. Si le refoulement dure trop longtemps l’émotion va s’exprimer dans le corps en créant des « maux » à la place des « mots » ; c’est pourquoi nous somatisons alors que notre état naturel est la santé.

Adulte, la guérison passe par la connexion à ses émotions refoulées au lieu de les contourner dans la fuite (dépendances, jeux, alcool, shopping, sport, sexe, travail) ou carrément ne plus rien ressentir du tout (mécanisme de l’isolationémotionnelle). L’exercice consiste à laisser remonter une émotion liée à son histoire et à la vivre pleinement sans aucune résistance, sans jugement, juste l’accueillir et reconnaître sa nature. Si par exemple vous sentez monter de la tristesse, l’accueillir signifie d’accepter de pleurer sans retenue car parfois le fait de lâcher prise totalement permet une libération émotionnelle salvatrice, telle une catharsis.

Si vous n’avez aucun souvenir lié à l’origine de votre blessure psychologique (refoulement massif / affect), l’analyse des rêves en thérapie individuelle permet de retrouver les événements vécus par le sujet et les affects refoulés depuis longtemps. Dans le cas du refoulement partiel, il suffit de reconnecter l’affect à la représentation pour libérer la charge émotionnelle (dans notre exemple, le sujet pourrait rêver de la scène du départ de son père en ressentant dans le rêve la détresse du sentiment d’abandon). Sachez que lorsque nous rêvons d’une émotion refoulée en la rattachant à la scène originaire, nous guérissons la blessure psychologique définitivement.

Besoins psychologiques

Pour conclure, vous saurez que vous avez guéri votre blessure principale lorsque vous découvrirez quels sont les besoins psychologiques qui n’ont jamais été nourris et qui vous guident vers les personnes et situations susceptibles de vous en faire prendre conscience. En effet l’émotion liée à la blessure psychologique indique en fait un besoin non comblé depuis l’enfance mais souvent ignoré par le sujet lui-même :

Blessure psychologique Emotion Besoin psychologique
Sentiment de rejet Peur Besoin d’appartenance
Sentiment d’abandon Détresse Besoin d’amour
Sentiment d’humiliation Honte Besoin de respect
Sentiment de trahison Colère Besoin de confiance
Sentiment d’injustice Indifférence Besoin de reconnaissance

En thérapie individuelle, nombreuses sont les personnes qui découvrent un manque complètement ignoré jusque là à cause de l’isolation émotionnelle mise en place par leur faux-self. Sachant que le manque est le moteur du désir (nous avons envie de ce qui nous manque), il devient enfin possible de faire les choix qui nous correspondent.

Guérir ses blessures psychologiques revient alors à identifier ses manques afin de combler ses besoins psychologiquesen toute conscience.

Les cinq blessures qui empêchent d’être soi-même

Source de l’article original : www.psycoach06.com
Via: conscience-et-eveil-spirituel.com

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